Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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