I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
