Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize