You're so nebulous sometimes
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
