He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
