Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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