I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
