You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
