There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my sisters under your porch take her home
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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