Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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