Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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