My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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