those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
