My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
