Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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