i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
