hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
