my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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