Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
