summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is the high leading the old right now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
