Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The Olympian is in my bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
