No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
