I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
