I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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