I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
