My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
