Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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