but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
