i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
