no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
