I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
