hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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