How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
