Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
