It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
