why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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