Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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