When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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