Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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