I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
