i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my phone needs a breathalizer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
