My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
