your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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