I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
