So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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