I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
