YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
