he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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