walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
