I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize