my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
