I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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