every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
