Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
