stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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