Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
