I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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