five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
40s are totally the cure
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
