as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
