If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
