he thought i was a dude.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize