dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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