I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
