Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
