do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize