so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
