I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
