sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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