Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
