can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
