The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
