She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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