Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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