Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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