Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
