dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
